Written by Tiff | A Grief Moment
I came across a story the other day, and the headline read, “Five-Year-Old Girl Is Beaten to Death by Grandparents for Pooping in Her Pants.” And to be honest with you, I can’t pinpoint exactly what part of that headline caught my attention. Was it the fact that she was five years old? Was it the thought of a five-year-old child being beaten? Or was it the fact that the people accused of beating her to death were her own grandparents? Maybe it was the extreme punishment associated with something that can happen during early childhood development.
Whatever it was, I immediately needed to know the identity of this little girl. As I researched the story and continued to learn more, I found myself wanting to do more than read another headline and move on to the next story. I wanted to acknowledge this child as a person. I wanted to say her name, learn about her life, and make sure her story was about more than the circumstances of her death.
So, let’s talk about Jada Moore.
Jada was a five-year-old little girl whose mother, Kimberly Elwoods, was going through a difficult period in her life. According to reporting from CBS Chicago and Law&Crime, Kimberly had “fallen on hard times and needed someone to care for” Jada. Her father, Klent Elwoods, reportedly visited Kimberly and Jada in Georgia before bringing Jada to Illinois, where he lived with his wife, Lisa Jones.
And what really gets me about this part of the story is that this is not an unusual situation. Families depend on one another. Parents need help sometimes. People go through difficult seasons in life, and sometimes that means asking family members to step in and help care for their children.
You should be able to depend on family to help you in times of need. You should be able to depend on family to help care for your children and protect them when you cannot be there yourself.
I can only imagine how difficult it might be for a mother who needs help caring for her child, especially when that help requires her to be separated from her child for a period of time. Asking for help does not automatically mean a parent does not love their child or want to care for them. Sometimes, asking for help is part of trying to create a more stable situation for both of you.
And that is what makes Jada’s story so difficult to sit with. Her mother entrusted her to family members who were supposed to provide care and support during a temporary period of hardship. Instead, according to the reporting and allegations in this case, Jada experienced abuse in the very environment where she should have been safe.
Another part of this story that sticks with me is how little time Jada had been living in that household. According to reporting about statements made during the investigation, the abuse reportedly began as early as one month after Jada came to live with her grandfather and his wife.
One month.
Let’s sit with that for a moment.
I find myself wondering how a situation like this develops. What was happening in that home? How did something that should have been a caregiving arrangement become an environment in which a little girl was reportedly being physically punished for having bathroom accidents? These are questions worth asking, not because we can know every answer from the reporting, but because we need to understand the seriousness of what happens when a child’s needs are met with punishment instead of care.
And before we go any further, I want us to take a moment to understand something about Jada’s age and the developmental process of learning to use the bathroom.
Let’s Talk About Potty Training
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, many children begin showing physical readiness for toilet training around 18 months, but the cognitive, emotional, communication, and motor skills needed to use the toilet consistently often develop later. Many children begin toilet training between ages two and three, but there is no single deadline that applies to every child.
Learning to use the toilet is more complicated than simply telling a child to go to the bathroom. A child has to recognize what their body is telling them, understand what that feeling means, communicate their needs, get to the bathroom, manage their clothing, and feel comfortable enough to use the toilet. Those skills develop over time, and children do not all develop them at the same pace.
Even children who have already made progress with toilet training can experience setbacks. This is sometimes called toileting regression. A child who had been using the toilet successfully may begin having accidents again, avoid the bathroom, withhold bowel movements, or struggle with a routine they previously seemed to understand.
Why does that happen?
There can be physical explanations, including constipation, painful bowel movements, urinary tract infections, or other medical concerns. Changes in a child’s life can also affect toileting. Moving to a new home, changes in caregivers or routines, family conflict, and emotional stress can all contribute to difficulties with bathroom habits.
The important thing to understand is that an accident does not automatically mean a child is being defiant, deliberately misbehaving, or refusing to learn. Sometimes, the child is still developing the skills needed to manage their body. Sometimes, something physical is happening that they cannot explain. And sometimes, they are trying to adjust to a change that they do not yet have the words or emotional maturity to understand.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends responding calmly, looking for possible causes, and consulting a pediatrician when regression occurs so physical concerns can be ruled out. Punishment can create additional stress around toileting and turn a developmental process into a struggle for control.
Now, let’s bring that information back to Jada.
What Was Jada Experiencing?
According to the reporting, Jada had recently moved from Georgia to Illinois and was living apart from her mother. She was in a different household, with different caregivers and a different daily environment. Her surroundings had changed. The people caring for her had changed. Her daily routine had changed, and she was no longer living with her mother.
Think about what that means for a five-year-old.
And this is where I want us to consider grief.
When we talk about grief, we often think about the death of someone we love. But grief can also arise from other significant losses and changes in our lives. A change in living arrangements can mean the temporary loss of familiar surroundings, established routines, everyday interactions, and the comfort of being with someone we are accustomed to having near us.
For a young child, those changes can be especially difficult to understand and process. A child may not have the words to explain that they miss their mother, that they feel unsettled in a new home, or that they want the familiarity of their previous routine. We cannot assume every child will respond in the same way, but we should recognize that changes in a child’s world can carry emotional weight.
And I want to be clear about something. I cannot say that Jada was experiencing grief, and I cannot say that the changes in her environment caused her toileting accidents. I also cannot say whether she was experiencing toileting regression or dealing with an underlying medical concern. The available reporting does not establish those things.
What I can say is that significant changes in a child’s life can affect their emotional well-being, habits, and behavior. Sometimes, what looks like a behavioral problem may be a child’s response to a change they do not yet have the words or developmental understanding to explain.
But I do think we have to consider the possibilities.
Was Jada adjusting to a new environment? Was she experiencing the loss of her familiar daily routine or missing the comfort of being with her mother? Was she struggling emotionally in ways the adults around her did not recognize? Was there a medical concern contributing to her bathroom accidents? Was she frightened, uncomfortable, or struggling to communicate a need?
These are questions that call for patience, observation, and understanding. They are not reasons to assume the worst about a child.
At five years old, Jada may have been able to communicate many things, but that does not mean she could independently identify what she was feeling, explain the impact of such a significant change, or advocate for herself in the way an adult can. Sometimes children communicate distress through changes in their behavior, and it is the responsibility of the adults caring for them to pay attention and try to understand what those changes may be telling them.
Where Was the Support?
Another question I find myself asking is whether Kimberly was contacted about Jada’s difficulties with toileting, and whether the adults involved tried to work together to find a solution. I do not know what conversations took place between them, so I cannot say whether Kimberly was contacted or what she knew about the situation.
But I wonder whether the adults could have approached this as a shared caregiving challenge instead of treating it as a reason to punish Jada.
If a child is struggling with something as developmentally common as using the bathroom, the goal should be to help that child succeed. That might mean establishing a routine, watching for signs that the child needs to go, speaking with the child’s parent, or seeking medical advice. It might mean giving the child reassurance and allowing time to adjust.
It should not mean making a child afraid of what will happen if they have an accident.
And I want to talk about Lisa Jones, too.
I watched the body-camera footage and found myself thinking about the position she could have taken in that household. I understand that I do not know everything about what happened behind closed doors, and I cannot speak to every interaction that took place. But the reporting and statements attributed to Lisa raise serious questions about the adults’ responses to Jada’s toileting accidents.
I kept thinking about the different ways an adult could respond to a five-year-old who was struggling.
She could have taken Jada by the hand and walked her to the bathroom. She could have helped her get cleaned up without making her feel ashamed. She could have reassured her that accidents happen and encouraged her to keep trying. She could have asked whether Jada was feeling okay or whether something was making it difficult for her to use the toilet.
She could have been the person who helped make that unfamiliar household feel safe.
And if Jada was having difficulty adjusting to life away from her mother, an adult could have reassured her that she was loved, that she could talk about her feelings, and that she could ask for help when she needed it.
I find myself wondering why that kind of care did not prevail.
Because discipline is not simply about making a child do what an adult wants. Caring for a child means recognizing that children are still developing. It means understanding that their behavior may be communicating a need they cannot fully explain. And it means knowing that an adult’s responsibility is not just to correct a child, but to protect that child’s physical and emotional well-being.
A Child’s Behavior Is Not the Whole Story
One of the things I want people to take away from Jada’s story is that we cannot always understand a child’s behavior by looking at the behavior alone.
A child who has accidents may be struggling with a developmental skill. A child who suddenly starts having accidents again may be reacting to a change, experiencing stress, or dealing with a medical problem. A child who seems resistant may be afraid, confused, embarrassed, or simply not ready to do something consistently.
We cannot assume that every behavior has the same explanation. We have to ask questions. We have to observe. We have to listen. And when a child cannot explain what is happening, we have to be willing to seek help rather than immediately assign blame.
This is especially important when a child is living away from their parent. A change in caregiving arrangements can mean a change in routines, relationships, surroundings, and the people a child turns to for comfort. That does not mean every child will struggle, and it does not mean that a change in placement automatically causes problems. It means that adults need to pay attention to how a child is adjusting and respond to that child’s individual needs.
Jada deserved that attention.
She deserved adults who would look for the reason behind her struggles rather than treating those struggles as a personal offense. She deserved patience while she learned and reassurance when she made mistakes. She deserved to be treated like a five-year-old child, because that is exactly what she was.
Let’s Remember Jada
As I reflect on Jada’s story, I keep thinking about how much responsibility we place in the hands of the adults who care for children. We trust family members, caregivers, and other adults to step in when we cannot be there ourselves. We trust that they will recognize a child’s needs, protect them from harm, and provide care when a child is unable to care for themselves.
That trust matters.
And when a child is struggling, we have to remember that the child is not the adult in the situation. The child does not have the same understanding, emotional regulation, power, or ability to change their circumstances. The adult does.
I do not know everything about Jada’s life before she moved to Illinois. I do not know the full history of the relationships between the adults in her family, and I will not pretend to know what the available reporting does not tell us. But I do know that no child should have to live in fear of being hurt for having a bathroom accident.
Jada’s story deserves more than a headline. It deserves reflection on how we understand childhood development, how we respond when children struggle, and what it means to be entrusted with another person’s child.
It also reminds us that grief is not always obvious. Sometimes a change in a child’s life means leaving behind familiar people, places, routines, and comforts. We may not know whether that child is grieving, and we should not assume that we do. But we can make room for the possibility that a change is affecting them emotionally, and we can respond with compassion instead of judgment.
Because a five-year-old should not have to earn patience. A child should not have to prove that they deserve gentleness. And a child should never have to be perfect at something they are still learning in order to be safe.
When a child struggles, the question should never be how much punishment they deserve. The question should be what they need from us.
Let’s remember Jada Moore.
Sources
- CBS Chicago. Reporting on Jada Moore’s death, her family circumstances, and the allegations in the case.
https://www.cbsnews.com/chicago/news/park-forest-girl-beating-death/ - Law&Crime. Reporting on the allegations involving Jada’s grandparents and details reported during the investigation.
https://lawandcrime.com/crime/shocking-new-details-in-death-of-5-year-old-girl-allegedly-killed-by-her-grandparents-for-pooping-on-herself-after-she-moved-in-with-them-in-hopes-of-a-better-home-life/ - FOX 32 Chicago. Reporting that includes comments from Jada’s mother.
https://www.fox32chicago.com/news/mother-speaks-out-after-grandfather-charged-in-death-of-5-year-old-girl-i-look-at-him-as-a-monster - ABC7 Chicago. Coverage of Jada’s death and her mother’s comments.
https://abc7chicago.com/post/park-forest-police-jada-moore-child-abuse-death/13527956/ - NBC Chicago. Reporting on prosecutors’ accounts of the case.
https://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/prosecutors-reveal-horrifying-details-in-beating-death-of-5-year-old-in-park-forest/3189254/ - Newsweek. Additional reporting on the case and court documents.
https://www.newsweek.com/grandparents-fatally-beat-5-year-old-over-potty-training-issues-court-docs-1814173 - WGN-TV. Reporting on the charges in Jada’s death.
https://wgntv.com/news/south-suburbs/suburban-grandparents-charged-with-murder-in-death-of-5-year-old-granddaughter/ - Face2Face Africa. Additional reporting on Jada’s death.
https://face2faceafrica.com/article/5-year-old-beaten-to-death-by-grandparents-for-defecating-on-herself-police-say - New York Post. Additional coverage of the allegations.
https://nypost.com/2023/07/20/couple-accused-of-killing-granddaughter-for-soiling-herself/ - Lives Cut Short. Memorial page for Jada Moore.
https://livescutshort.org/the-children/il_23_418-jada-moore/ - NewsOne. Commentary on Jada Moore and child protection services.
https://newsone.com/4655304/jada-moore-child-protection-services/ - NewsOne. Reporting about the fundraising appeal following Jada’s death.
https://newsone.com/4656505/jada-moore-gofundme/
Child development and toilet training
- American Academy of Pediatrics. “How to Tell When Your Child Is Ready.”
https://healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/How-to-Tell-When-Your-Child-is-Ready.aspx - American Academy of Pediatrics. “Potty Training Regression.” Discusses regression, possible physical causes, and changes in a child’s environment.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/Regression.aspx - American Academy of Pediatrics. “Emotional Issues and Potty Training Problems.” Discusses emotional concerns and how changes in a child’s life can affect toileting.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/pages/Emotional-Issues-and-Bathroom-Problems.aspx - American Academy of Pediatrics. “Stages of Toilet Training: Different Skills, Different Schedules.”
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/Stages-of-Toilet-Training-Different-Skills-Different-Schedules.aspx
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